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A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.
Earl Wilson
A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking.
Earl Wilson
A woman may race to get a man a gift but it always ends in a tie.
Earl Wilson
Always remember, money isn't everything - but also remember to make a lot of it before talking such fool nonsense.
Earl Wilson
An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen.
Earl Wilson
Benjamin Franklin may have discovered electricity, but it was the man who invented the meter who made the money.
Earl Wilson
Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you're scared to death.
Earl Wilson
Ever notice that the whisper of temptation can be heard farther than the loudest call to duty.
Earl Wilson
Experience is what enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
Earl Wilson
For the parents of a Little Leaguer, a baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown into innings.
Earl Wilson
Gossip is when you hear something you like about someone you don't.
Earl Wilson
Gossip, n.: Hearing something you like about someone you don't.
Earl Wilson
He was so honest you could play craps with him over the phone.
Earl Wilson
He's an honest man - you could shoot craps with him over the telephone.
Earl Wilson
Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.
Earl Wilson
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Earl Wilson
If you wouldn't write it and sign it, don't say it.
Earl Wilson
Isn't it a shame that future generations can't be here to see all the wonderful things we're doing with their money?
Earl Wilson
Middle Age - later than you think and sooner than you expect.
Earl Wilson
Nonchalance is the ability to remain down to earth when everything else is up in the air.
Earl Wilson
Nothing is as embarrassing as watching your boss do something you assured him couldn't be done.
Earl Wilson
One way to get high blood pressure is to go mountain climbing over molehills.
Earl Wilson
Poise: the ability to be ill at ease inconspicuously.
Earl Wilson
Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break.
Earl Wilson
Snow and adolescence are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough.
Earl Wilson
Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure.
Earl Wilson
The fastest way for a politician to become an elder statesman is to lose an election.
Earl Wilson
The man who didn't want his wife to work has been succeeded by the man who asks about her chances of getting a raise.
Earl Wilson
This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt.
Earl Wilson
To sell something, tell a woman it's a bargain; tell a man it's deductible.
Earl Wilson
Today's accent may be on youth, but the stress is still on the parents.
Earl Wilson
You may not be able to read a doctor's handwriting and prescription, but you'll notice his bills are neatly typewritten.
Earl Wilson
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